The Year of the Ladybird Page 11

  Ladybirds were crawling inside my collar and in my ear and I’d had enough. I walked past block D mouthing about an all-star magic show with Abdul-Shazam! and all the gang when one of the chalet doors opened. It was Terri. She’d been cleaning one of the refurbished chalets. I went over to her.

  ‘Look at you,’ she gasped. ‘Come inside.’

  She pulled me in and slammed the door on the cloud of insects.

  ‘Look at you!’ she said again, this time pointing at me.

  I looked down. The ladybirds had swarmed over my blazer. There was barely a patch of cloth to be seen under them. They were live but motionless, anchored to the coloured threads. My blazer was a live garment, like something from a dream.

  I was shocked.

  ‘Let’s get it off you,’ she said. Very gently she reached a finger under each lapel and eased the blazer off my shoulders, like she was determined to lift the thing off me without killing a single ladybird. I felt the thrill of her fingers stroke my collarbone. She stepped in closer to me and delicately slipped the blazer down the length of my sleeves. I could smell the shampoo in her hair. I could smell something like sunshine on her skin. She was close enough for me to feel her breath on my neck. When she’d lowered the blazer sleeves free of my arms she stepped to one side, holding the blazer in one hand, and then she gently hung it over the back of a chair before stepping back. I don’t think she lost a single ladybird in the process.

  For a long time, we were motionless, staring at the ladybird-sheathed coat. Then she turned and stepped over to me, and pressed her mouth on mine. We were still kissing as she popped the buttons on my shirt and tore it from my back. The shirt cuffs wouldn’t go over my wrists as she tugged the shirt behind me. There was a new, uncovered mattress on the bed and we fell on it. I was still manacled by my shirt as she worked my trousers down. I remember gasping, and looking up, and seeing the live ladybird blazer on the back of the chair, and then closing my eyes.

  The magic show was hitting its stride by the time I got to the ballroom. Tony had some kids on the stage, fumbling for coloured handkerchiefs in a soft blue velvet bag. When they pulled out white handkerchiefs instead of coloured ones he pretended to be annoyed. Nikki was up there with him in her fetching costume of sequins and fishnet tights. I avoided eye-contact with her.

  ‘Thought we’d lost you,’ Pinky said dryly, eyebrows aloft.

  ‘I swallowed a bug and it stuck in my throat,’ I said. ‘I had to go and get a drink from somewhere.’

  ‘Ha,’ said Pinky. He flicked imaginary ash from his unlit cigar. ‘Haha.’

  Tony – or should I say Abdul-Shazam! – wrapped up that part of his conjuring act and I saw Nobby and Sammy wheeling the large sword casket on stage, carefully settling it between two chairs. Tony went serious for a moment and changed his microphone style. He asked for quiet because, he said, the next trick was genuinely dangerous and the swords he would be using were sharp. He invited someone to come up and check the swords. He held a piece of ribbon at arm’s length as one of the campers cut through the ribbon with a whisper. He warned us that they had tried to get insurance against any mishaps but no insurance company in the land would offer a premium. And with that, Nikki climbed into the casket.

  Tony perspired visibly. I thought he looked anxious. I glanced at Pinky but he was poker-faced. Nobby and Sammy looked pretty serious too. A hush descended over the audience, broken only by the clink of glasses or the sound of the till opening at the bar. I knew the trick would be perfectly safe, even though I didn’t know how it worked. I just had an awful feeling in my stomach that something was going to go wrong.

  At that moment I felt an astonishing surge of protectiveness towards Nikki. I had to grip the sides of my chair to stop myself getting up and interfering with the show The casket was closed and locked with Nikki in it. There were five swords in all, and after a little bit of strutting on stage, as if he was pumping himself up, Tony forced the first sword through the cabinet with rather shocking violence. There was a gasp from the audience as the second and third swords were thumped in swiftly and without ceremony. The last two swords were inserted from the top

  Of course, no one was really surprised when the swords were taken out again, the casket unlocked and Nikki stepped out prettily in her sequins and fishnets. It seemed to me not that Tony had performed a fabulous illusion; but that that the audience had given their permission for the illusion to work on them. There was wild applause and more gags from Tony, who pretended to be rather relieved that the trick had worked.

  Tony announced that the morning’s entertainment would be concluded with a yard-of-ale competition. Nobby and Sammy were dispatched to the bar to collect the yard glasses while I was asked to clear away the magic props. I started by wheeling the sword casket from the ballroom back to the props cupboard behind the adjacent theatre. When I got there I found Nikki backstage behind the scenery flats, wriggling out of her sequined outfit.

  ‘That seemed to go well,’ I said. I still hadn’t recovered from my explosive and unexpected sexual encounter with Terri just a couple of hours earlier and I was trying to sound casual.

  She beamed at me. Then she frowned and patted the side of her face with her forefinger.

  ‘What?’ I asked.

  She found a tissue and stepped across to me. She was wearing bra, pants, fishnet tights and stiletto heels, and her tawny skin had on it a bloom of perspiration. She wet the tissue with her mouth and rubbed something from the side of my mouth, near my lip.

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘Lipstick.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes, really. It’s gone. You’re clean.’

  I didn’t feel clean. ‘Must have been one of the campers. You know how they grab you.’

  She didn’t blink. She ran her tongue across her top lip and said, ‘Wow! You smell like a whore’s handbag. Did she throw perfume all over you?’

  Tony breezed in, wiping sweat from his brow with a white handkerchief. ‘Funny!’ he said loudly. ‘Funny how I keep catching you two backstage. Put her down, David, and let me explain how all this packs away.’

  I could barely pay attention as Tony explained how to stow all the props and demonstrated how to collapse the sword casket. He went to great lengths to show me how the casket worked: there was a frame inside the box in which Nikki had rotated her body into a very precise position with her ankles tucked back. The swords ran in fixed trammels between the backs of both knees; under her armpits; behind her neck and so on. It was completely safe since the frame moulded her body in an inflexible position, and the invading swords were tracked along smooth rails. The sharp demonstrator sword, identical to all the others except for a single identifying bead in the pommel, wasn’t used.

  I pretended to be well focused on all of this. All through it I was acutely aware of Nikki watching me watching Tony.

  ‘I’m showing you things,’ Tony said seriously, ‘that would get me kicked out of the Magic Circle.’

  11

  A fine casket built for sturdy illusion not service

  I missed lunch. Terri was still working on the refurbished chalets and I returned to her, as I’d said I would. On my way I walked past the palmist’s white caravan. Madame Rosa had the door shut firmly against the bug swarm. She was looking out of the window, directly at me. I averted my eyes. The ladybird storm had subsided a little but it was still unpleasant to be outside. Dead ladybirds crunched underfoot; they lay in piles where they had hit a wall or a window and had fallen back.

  She’d left the door ajar for me. When I stepped inside, the door clicked behind me and she was already unbuttoning her thin nylon overall. She was completely naked underneath and it slipped to the floor with a hiss. ‘What kept you?’

  She didn’t give me a moment to answer because she leapt on to my hips, folding her arms behind my neck and clinging to me with her legs, kissing me. The scent of her mixed with the perfume Nikki had got wind of had me dizzy. Any doubts I had about Terri
were dispelled the moment she wrapped herself around me. With her still clinging to my neck I walked her across the room and collapsed onto the bed.

  ‘Wait,’ she said. ‘Not like that.’

  She got up and moved across to the table. She shifted a chair aside and bent across the table, spreading her legs and pushing her bottom into the air.

  ‘Spank me.’

  I laughed. Wrong.

  ‘Spank me,’ she said again.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Do it.’

  I moved towards her. It wasn’t something that would ever naturally occur to me. The request seemed more comical than erotic. I lifted my hand and let it fall across her buttock, but without conviction.

  ‘Harder for Chrissake.’

  But I was already losing my erection. I felt ridiculous.

  Perhaps she sensed it wasn’t going to happen. ‘Oh just fuck me, you prat.’

  I had to clear my head. I managed to slip away from that chalet with some free time before my next duty. I stepped out of the camp with the idea of recovering on the beach for half an hour, but the ladybirds were still swarming, pinging at my face and settling on my clothes. As I turned away from the camp gates I sensed a car cruising alongside me. I knew it was the same car in which I’d been chauffeured to the National Front meeting. It was Colin’s green-and-cream Hillman Minx.

  My guts squeezed as my instincts kicked in and I pretended to be deep in thought. I kept walking. The two-tone Hillman purred alongside, keeping pace. Then the horn sounded.

  I had no choice but to turn. The car came to a halt. I faked a startled look, then processed a smile on recognising Colin at the wheel. His face was expressionless, staring back at me.

  I froze as he leaned across the seat to open the passenger door. Everything about his demeanour said to me that he knew. I thought if I got in that car I was finished.

  ‘Get in then, you fucking drip,’ he called softly.

  In a flash it occurred to me that if he didn’t know, then my hesitation would make him suspicious. I had no choice. I climbed in. The car smelled of leather upholstery and something like gun metal. He reeked of smoky, fresh sweat as if he’d just been exercising.

  Colin put his wipers on to sweep the ladybirds away. ‘Fuckin’ things. Everywhere.’ He released the clutch and we drove off. ‘What’s a matter wiv you then?’

  I looked back over my shoulder as if we were being followed. ‘I think they were watching from the gate.’

  ‘Watching for what?’

  ‘Well, they know you’re banned, don’t they?’

  ‘Oh,’ he said, threading the big steering wheel through his rough hands as he turned the corner. ‘They don’t give a monkey’s. Neither do I.’ He didn’t go very far, pulling up at a nearby modern brick-and-glass pub called The Dunes. Before we got out of the car he pushed a fiver into my hands. ‘Get ’em in; I need a slash.’

  While he went to the toilet I went up the bar and ordered two pints of bitter. I was glad he wasn’t there because when I went to carry the pints to a table my hands shook so badly I slopped some of the beer on the carpet. I sat down and took a deep breath. I took a sip of beer and as I lifted the glass to my mouth my fingers reeked of Terri’s sex.

  Colin came out of the toilet, sat down opposite me and lit up a cigarette. Players No. 6. He took a deep drag, exhaled and sat back. His change from the fiver lay on the table. ‘Well?’

  ‘Good as gold.’

  ‘Yeah?’ He looked out of the window and then took a deep gulp from his pint. His Adam’s apple bobbed aggressively as he drank.

  ‘As far as I can tell.’

  He snapped his head back away from the window, too quickly. ‘As far as you can tell. What’s that mean?’

  ‘Well, I can’t watch her twenty-fours a day, can I? I’m trying my best to be where she is or somewhere near her as far as I can. I tried to buy her a coffee a couple of times but she wouldn’t have it.’

  He nodded. ‘Seen her talk to anyone?’

  ‘Only staff about cleaning. She’s been taken off the theatre and put on other jobs. Last time I saw her she was down at those reconditioned chalets.’

  He blinked at me.

  ‘She seems to have her head down,’ I said. ‘Working hard.’

  He blinked again. I lifted the glass to my mouth and once again I could smell Terri on my fingers. It seemed so strong. It seemed impossible that he couldn’t smell his wife on me. My guts squeezed again. I felt like I might throw up. ‘How long have you been back?’ I asked him.

  ‘Just got here today. Sat outside for an hour or two, waiting for you to stick your nose out the door. Tried to call you but that bitch in the office said you wasn’t around.’

  That meant that while he was trying to call me, Terri and I were fucking in D block. ‘I was probably in the canteen,’ I said.

  ‘No, it was just after lunch.’

  ‘Dunno,’ I said.

  ‘You look fuckin’ knackered, son.’

  ‘I can’t sleep properly here. Dunno why.’

  ‘You sure you ain’t been on the nest?’

  I looked him in the eye.

  ‘You ’ave been, aincha?’ He smiled and lowered his head. It was an evil smile. He drew back his lips but compressed them so that he showed no teeth. ‘Aincha?’

  ‘I should be so lucky.’

  He downed the rest of his beer. ‘Go up the bar and get us another, will ya?’

  I didn’t see why he couldn’t take his turn at the bar but I wasn’t going to argue. I got up but he called me back and told me to take it from the change that lay on the table. I got him another pint and a half for myself.

  ‘What’s that then?’ He looked at the half pint glass as if he’d never seen one before; as if it were some new and silly marketing idea for ladies.

  ‘I don’t like to be pissed while I’m working around kids,’ I said.

  He considered this. ‘That’s fair enough.’

  We both took another glug of beer.

  ‘She’s up to something.’

  ‘Oh?’ I said.

  ‘You get so you know.’

  I shook my head as if to indicate that I knew nothing about that kind of thing.

  ‘She wasn’t much more than a kid when I found her,’ he said. ‘Don’t look at me like that.’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘I know what you’re thinking: why does he keep her on such a tight leash. Well, I’ll tell you. She was on the game when I found her.’

  ‘You what?’

  He held his hand up to quiet me. ‘Fourteen, and on the game. Not good. I had to dice up a ponce to get to her, and then another. I looked at that gal and I said if I do one decent thing in my life I’m gonna pull that little gal out of that life. You with me?’

  I nodded. This wasn’t quite the same story that Terri had told me.

  He went on. ‘It ain’t easy though. They get a taste for it. That life I mean. Know what I’m talking about?’He looked out of the window. ‘It keeps calling ’em back. Like a drug. Like one of these junkies. It’s like, in ’em. They gotta ’ave it. Cock-happy. It’s there for life, ain’t it?

  ‘So I has to keep pulling ’er back. Why don’t I let her go? I could. I could let her go her own way. But I made this promise. To myself. To her. It’s hard work, I tell you. Women are crafty. Very crafty. They’d have you stitched up in seconds. You think you see ’em coming but you don’t. Look around you. Ain’t a woman in this pub you couldn’t have if you set your mind to it. Married, boyfriend, it don’t matter.

  ‘And that’s what I know. As for her, I keep her on the straight and narrow. Served time for her, I have. Protected her. Put up with hardships. Stop her slipping back into it, you understand me?’

  I said I did.

  ‘Ha! Look at your face! You don’t know nothin’ about it, do you?’ He stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray with a series of rapid, hard jabs and took his wallet out of his pocket. He found two ten pound notes, folded them and fli
cked them across the table to me.

  ‘What’s that?’

  ‘Don’t ask.’

  Once again, this was almost what I was paid weekly in addition to meals and lodgings. ‘What am I supposed to do with it?’

  ‘Do with it? Do what you want with it, you dozy fuck. I’m flush. Ain’t anyone ever give you no money before now?’

  ‘Well. No.’

  He shook his head. ‘You’re a right one, incha? Fuckin’ college boy. Listen: I have a kid somewhere. They wouldn’t let me see him. Be about the same age as you. I like to think he wouldn’t be cleaning or in no factory or fuckin’ coal mine. Maybe he’d be at college, smart-arse like you. Maybe someone somewhere will sling him twenty notes.’

  ‘It’s too much. I can’t take it, Colin.’

  ‘Take it.’ He looked at me when he said take it and I knew he meant that I had no choice. I picked up the money and I put it in my pocket. ‘Anyway, it’s nice to know I’ve got someone on the inside looking after my interests.’

  ‘I’ve got to go, Colin. I’ll be late for the yard-of-ale competition.’

  ‘Want a lift back?’

  ‘It’s two minutes.’

  ‘Okay. I’ll be in touch.’ He lit another cigarette and sat back.

  I still can’t believe that just an hour after having sex with his wife I walked out of that pub with twenty of his pounds in my pocket.

  Later, in the cooler evening, the ladybirds began to subside. After I’d finished work I made my way up to the same dark place on the beach. After my encounter with Colin I didn’t want to go but I’d arranged to meet Terri there again before Colin had intercepted me. I assumed she knew Colin was back on the scene, and I was quite prepared for her not to turn up. But when I got there she was waiting with a blanket and a couple of beers. She did of course know that he was around, but she was very surprised that I’d seen him that day.